It’s holiday shopping time!
This week, an auction house put a number of items of Red Sox memorabilia owned by the late Larry Lucchino up for bid. Some of them are expensive and amazing (as in, this actual World Series trophy, which went for $61,000). Some of them are . . . something else.
Here’s what the OTM crew would buy if we had enough money to own a AAA team.
“Wishing you a Fab 2011” Fenway Sports Group Poster
Sometimes I’m glad billionaires don’t have anyone to tell them no. If they did, we wouldn’t have absolutely insane posters like this. I understand what they’re going for here – after purchasing Liverpool Football Club they wanted to pay homage to the Beatles. At the same time, portraying your holding company executives as rock stars is a bit out of touch. Commodities trading and buying companies aren’t quite the same as selling out stadiums and being the biggest musical act in the world.
All that being said, I was very close to buying this poster. It’s so bad that it’s mesmerizing. The thought of having someone over for the first time and having to explain that the four men on the wall with a record aren’t musicians, but rather eccentric billionaires who bought a soccer team is hilarious to me. The item ended up selling for $110. That’s way too much money for a joke that would only make me laugh. $50 though? I would have had a hard time not pulling the trigger.
— Jacob Roy
Vanity Fair Parody “Super Owners” Cover Display
Uhh, yeah, let’s just ditto everything Jacob Roy wrote about the Beatles poster and take the creep level up a notch with whatever the hell this thing is. God I hope Juan Soto doesn’t see this.
— Dan Secatore
2013 World Champions Red Sox Boston Strong LL Bean Boots
I can’t wear bright red boots. My feet are too small to draw that much attention to them. Larry Lucchino also can’t wear bright red boots. Given that these are 2013 championship boots, he was at least 67 years old when he received them. Lucchino was known for his intensity. You can’t wear bright red boots during a heated conversation unless you’re representing McDonald’s alongside Grimace and The Hamburglar.
These sold for almost $1,000. The buyer is anonymous, but I can only assume they now belong to Russell Westbrook or Cam Newton. Those two could rock the hell out of these.
— Jacob Roy
2013 World Champions Red Sox Boston Strong LL Bean Boots
DAMNIT! Jacob beat me to the punch. I had a whole thing written up and everything. Oh well, it’s too late now and I’ve already made up my mind. Sorry for the repetition, but I promise these jawns are worth it.
Look: I could go on and on about how cool it would be to own a World Series ring. I could rave about how sick it would be to build a WICKED SICK MAN CAVE, DUDE to get away from THE WIFE and drink BEER with my BOYS and then adorn that basement with incredibly rare jerseys and memorabilia that would make any Red Sox fan blush.
I mean, how many people can say that they own one of the three bases that was on the field at Busch Stadium when Boston broke the curse in 2004? [Answer: three] That’s incredibly cool, and I’m sure the rest of my OTM colleagues have those bases (no pun intended) covered.
But at the end of the day, you still have to be practical.
I’m writing this Thursday evening, the day of the first true bleh day of the winter season here in the Commonwealth. I stepped outside to take our new puppy to do his business this morning, and I almost ate shit slipping on the wintery mix that covered the great outdoors. I was wearing an old pair of slippers with negative traction to them, but that’s not the point.
So as Mother Nature gets closer to being a complete asshole for the next few months, I can’t help but think: man…I could really go for some Bean boots.
No free ads (although I can be bought, for anyone interested), but you really can’t over-exaggerate the usefulness of a nice pair of duck boots from LL Bean. They’re dependable, they stay nice and dry, they’re a necessity in the area some of us call home. I’d be unstoppable in those boots. I’d be a regular man of the woods.
Not to mention: they look cool as hell. That patch on the side of the boots, are you kidding me? What wonderful craftsmanship. This is a slam dunk pick for me.
Now you might be asking: “Fitz, how can you go on about how practical these boots are and then add how beautiful they look? Wouldn’t a typical New England winter ruin them and make the purchase useless?”
To that, I’d say this: If I’ve got all this money from SB Nation to spend on one pair of 2013 World Series LL Bean boots, surely the big wigs at the company would be willing to write off another pair of 2013 World Series LL Bean boots. One for work, one for play…or, display. No one would have to know the difference, right?
— Fitzy Mo Pena
Tony Gwynn NL Batting Champion Commemorative Jacket
Imagine the conversations that this beautiful jacket with leather sleeves could spark up at the local watering hole. The stunning symmetry on the back of the coat with the four batting titles in the 1980s, opposite the four titles in the 1990s. A .394 season in 1994, the closest that anyone has come to Teddy’s .400 in 1941, Gwynn’s average rising each day, struck down by the strike-shortened season. Eight batting titles, not the most all-time, but the most by anyone who didn’t kill a drifter … allegedly.
Or you’re a young lady in Scottsdale, sporting the Gwynn Jacket, just waiting for Chris Berman to tap you on the shoulder and proclaim “You’re with me, Leather.” You can’t go wrong.
I did also put a small bid in on my backup choice, the Tom Kite Signed and Inscribed Photo, with Larry’s hand in a very questionable position. Although, I would’ve bid far more if it was a signed copy of Kite’s exercise tapes from that era.
— Bob Osgood
Novelty Dictionary Page Featuring Definition of “Evil Empire”
Do you miss the absolute nonsense of the 2003-2005 Red Sox/Yankees rivalry? Trot Nixon owing Roger Clemens. Pedro Martinez tossing a human bowling pin to the ground. Big Papi coming up in big moment after big moment. Then this dictionary entry is for you. Evil Empire! The Yankees were coming off their World Series dynasty and the baseball world was looking for a New Hope to take them down a notch (first salvo by Josh Beckett).
— Mike Carlucci
How does this not instantly become a conversation piece if placed right inside your front door? What sort of entertainment are we getting ourselves into if we’re walking through a turnstile on our way into this guy’s place? Is there a security check? Metal detector? It’s even better if you say absolutely NOTHING about it. What turnstile? That’s just how the house is. Mind games at its finest with a piece of Fenway Park history.
— Jake Reiser
Any time a sports related cow comes up in the Boston sports sphere (which by the way, what an amazing little niche thing that we have with our painted cows, even though no one even knows why or how this became a thing), it has to be the highlight item. I remember the first time I saw one in the NESN studios and was just in sheer awe of it. It’s a magnificent piece of art. And this one, with the moment it commemorates, is special. But take a closer look and notice how funny some of it is too. Papi running up the third base line. Four outfielders. Tito getting tossed by the on-deck circle. Tek just randomly the only one in a blue jersey (or maybe jacket?) behind the dish. Where is Pedro pitching to? The little nonsensical things missed about baseball in and of itself make this piece even better.
— Literally Everyone
Pair of Commemorative Sewing Shears
You know why.
— Chris Sale