Plunge in, John Henry, and extend Garrett Crochet

Come on in, the water’s fine!

Dedicated Red Sox fan that I am, I’ve been looking into learning how to crochet. While noodling around with beginner stitches, I’ve had plenty of time to think about the other crochet—our newly signed pitcher.

I absolutely agree with Matt that if Garrett Crochet isn’t signed to an extension to keep him in the organization for a good long time, the whole signing will essentially come to nothing. It would be like a scientist performing half an experiment but giving up before reaching the conclusion. No, the Red Sox need to see this through.

Sam Kennedy confirmed on Truck Day that negotiations with Crochet are ongoing, but the length of these talks has given me some reason for concern. Please don’t continue to drag this out, or insult Crochet before he’s even seen the inside of JetBlue Park.

So what are the odds of this extension actually happening? It’s hard to say. On the one hand, keeping things cheap and walking away would be very on-brand for Fenway Sports Group these days, in their non-spending era. But it shouldn’t be this way. The Red Sox are actually really well placed to make some smart moves and stitch something together here.

This thought has spilled over into one of my year-round hobbies: allow me to introduce you to cold-water plunging as we look at what it would take to make a believer out of John Henry—regarding the extension, and possibly into becoming a cold-water plunger himself.

Yeah, I’ve got ice in my veins.

Cold-water plunging is definitely one of the most badass things you can possibly do. You may have occasionally seen it on TV but I’ve yet to see a realistic depiction (they all looked really comfortable on Bad Sisters). Or maybe you’ve heard about it on New Year’s Day, when a lot of people do a Polar Bear Plunge by jumping in the water and then jumping right out.

No, I’m talking legit cold-water plunging. Basically, you get in a body of water—a river, a lake, the ocean—and tough it out. Even in February, when the water’s at its coldest. That’s it.

I used to think this was insanity but then a singular, distinctive moment in time changed my mind: the pandemic. A group of friends launched this idea in September 2020 as a safe way to socialize during lockdown.

Being September, it got dark early and we were starting to experience the seasonal weather shift here in Seattle, with more frequent rainy, windy days. To power through, we drank a shot of something at the shore, did some jumping jacks, then ran into the 53° water like maniacs. Afterwards, numb and suffering from brain freeze, we could barely find our clothes in the dark, and the wind whipping across Lake Washington was blowing everything to hell. It was awful. And yet my friends suggested things like, Next time we should have a picnic! For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why, since it was already like the worst beach party in the history of the world.

After a couple of months, I quit going while my girlfriend and the rest of the group kept at it once a week. In the meantime, she had begun translating a Danish book called Winter Swimming and sharing what she learned: cold-water plunging boosts the immune system, supports metabolism, eases swelling, modulates the effects of stress and pain, releases endorphins, aids in addiction recovery, and more.

Eventually, the kaleidoscope clicked: it’s not a beach party, it’s good for you. It’s like a Zen practice in the water. It’s self-care like meditation or exercise.

With that new mindset, I got back in the water. Our group shifted the schedule to weekend, daylight hours. No more frantic shoreline preparation—now we simply get in the water. Whether you march in, or ease in incrementally, whether you wear neoprene protection or not—there’s no one way to do this. Whatever feels comfortable.

Getting in is actually the hardest part. And don’t get me wrong, there’s an initial shock. Your skin, muscles, nerves, and brain will let you know what you’ve just done. We’re not supposed to be here! There may be a little needly feeling in your legs. For a moment, words will escape you and you won’t be able to think because all your attention is on your body. All of this is normal and subsides within a minute or so, and then the experience is amazing.

What do we do once we’re in the water? There’s no right approach; as long as you’re up to your shoulders for at least two minutes, you’re benefitting. In the wintertime, unless the weather is outrageous, we usually try to hit ten minutes; sometimes we do twenty-two. If the sun is out, it feels easier. There’s no one-size-fits-all. Some of my friends swim or dunk their head; I like to chat and look for wildlife. In our neck of the woods, that means a lot of sea lions and seals, sometimes dolphins or eagles.

But we don’t stay in too long, and we never go alone because after the initial shock, you settle into a groove and you can feel almost too good: you might be fooled into thinking you can stay indefinitely. This is a mistake. Basically, if you feel like you could stay in all day, GET OUT OF THE WATER. You’re already over your limit.

People tend to notice us from the shore, hollering that they think we’re brave, or heckling a little, calling us crazy. We think of it as a badge of honor because we all know they don’t have the guts to do it.

Some days it can be hard but 100% of the time, we leave the beach and say we’re glad we did it. And no matter what, we accomplished something that day. We stared down the elements and won. We did something we didn’t think we were capable of. That’s badass, no matter how you look at it.

As FSG considers offering Garrett Crochet a juicy contract extension, I’m going to ask John Henry to think of this metaphor. You want to show us you have ice in your veins? Then show us! It may be hard to get in the water but it’s good for you. And it’s actually awesome. In fact, I’m going to give him some guidelines so he doesn’t have to learn the hard way like I did.

Some Basic Rules for Cold-Water Plunging and for Extending Your New Pitcher

Don’t go alone

It’s dangerous not to, and with a group it’s actually fun. But you’re not alone—remember, you’ve got the front office, the team, and all of Red Sox Nation behind you, John.

Prepare

Don’t do what we did in 2020! What you want to do is make up your mind…and then just walk into the water. And then it’s done. The rest takes care of itself. See how easy it can be, John?

Infrastructure is key

That means having your gear and your dry clothes ready. If you feel committed—not right away, I understand that—get yourself a dry robe, John; you can afford it. (You will also be in A-list company with the likes of Harry Styles and others who have been seen wearing them in everyday life.)

You can change out of your wet gear underneath there and wear it to and from the beach. I found it a game-changer. Other infrastructure, like a heated steering wheel, is a bonus. You already have the infrastructure to get this extension done too, John: coaches, front office, and several core players in place, ready to support.

Be ready for the shock

Being uncomfortable is part of the experience. You’re going to ride it out. We know you don’t want to spend this money, and sticker shock is ok. But after that—think how good it will feel to be the toast of New England and to see where you can lead us!

People will notice

Ignore them or use it—but know that you’re elite and among a very few. You’re the badass here, John Henry, not them. Remember, you have ice in your veins.

Reap the rewards

Then you get dressed, go home, and warm up. For me, it’s a hot shower and lunch. For you, John, maybe that’s a luxurious sauna experience or eating a catered gourmet spread in front of a hearth, as you contemplate the MLB glory (and more money!) that may be waiting in the wings.

You’ve already laid the groundwork, Iceman. Now let it roll. The time is ripe, John, like it was for me in 2020. You’re not flying in, willy-nilly, waiting for the alcohol to kick in. That’s not you. You’ve done the preparation; the weather is maybe the best you can hope for, with the Big Three on the verge of being called up. Now it’s time to get in the water and get this extension done. That’s really the hardest part. Some people may heckle you, John, but remember that they’ll never be able to do what you’re doing. And plenty of them are going to admire the hell out of you for it.

Why don’t you give it a try, John Henry, and plunge in?