It looks like an all-time great, at least!
If you squint, Brayan Bello looks a lot like Pedro Martinez, who helped the youngster with his slider back in Spring Training 2024. If you don’t squint, it’s not quite the same, so squint dangit! Speaking of sliders, that gives me an idea…
*
My kids love McDonald’s, obviously, but lately I’ve been cutting back on it for every reason there is. My daughter always gets a plain cheeseburger, so I figured I’d try to re-create it one at home for her, while my son always gets nuggets, which are easily replicable. So I bought the burger stuff and tried my best, not unlike Bello firing up his right arm and trying a Pedro impression.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, my daughter wouldn’t touch the burger, because it wasn’t the real deal. Insert Bello/Pedro comparison here. But my son, who wasn’t exactly averse to a McDonald’s burger, absolutely housed it and demanded another one, which he also housed. (Later that night, he said, “Dad, next time I need to eat just one. My tummy hurts.” Credit to him: He has stuck with that!)
Then he said something that was the equivalent of hearing “yes” to a marriage proposal:
“Dad, this is the best burger ever! It’s better than McDonald’s!”
My heart! My soul! Is it better than McDonald’s? Maybe. Is it the best burger ever? Uh… I dunno. I doubt Bello will be better than Pedro, is what I’m saying. But is it good? Yes, it’s a cot dang burger!
Bello’s “Best Ever” Burger
I can’t lie, the method isn’t terribly different than that outlined by Dean Martin in his and Frank Sinatra’s dueling burger recipes:
Minus the bourbon, as my son is 7. He’s obviously still just a beer guy. Anyhow, please collect:
- One pound 80/20 ground beef
- Buns
- American cheese
- Salt and pepper
- Butter for the pan and buns (optional)
Bryan’s notes
If you watch enough burger-making videos, you’ll see chefs warning you in earnest about not smashing the patty until dog knows when. This is a child’s cheeseburger; smash it whenever the heck you want.
- Heat a pan on medium, add butter if you want but the burger has more than enough fat
- Throw the buns in the toaster
- Take a lacrosse ball-sized wad of beef and put it on the pan, adding salt and pepper
- Smash that baby
- Cook until it looks about halfway done (about four minutes, as Deano says above)
- Flip and cook for one minute
- Add cheese and cook for a couple more minutes
- Butter buns (optional)
- Place burger onto bun, and smash the whole operation so that it looks like a McDonald’s worker or hungry child absentmindedly smashed by accident and it’s all nice and flat, like a McDonald’s burger, rather than plump round, like a frou-frou burger
- Enjoy while Brayan Bello pitches, and hope he looks like the best ever