We all make mistakes. Where do we go from there? The kitchen.
Oops!
Yesterday I wrote a column analyzing the Alex Bregman deal, noting that, for a signing celebrated quite like the unquestionably great Garrett Crochet trade, there were a few more hiccups in the contract than you’d expect. Despite that, I said, signing Bregman was unquestionably a smarter move than it was dumb, which I do, in fact, believe. Unfortunately, our headline writer — who is also me — called the deal “bad business,” which both grossly overstated and undercut my argument, and I’m sorry about that. Write enough takes and you’re bound to misstep eventually, and I did, and not for the first time. As they say, you can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs. So let’s make one!
*
When David Ortiz came to the Red Sox in 2003, he was so bad in the first half of the season that his teammates started calling him “Juan Pierre,” in (dis)honor of the slap-hitter leadoff man with the same name. The Sox had signed Ortiz and Jeremy Giambi to help bolster the lineup’s left-handed pop, but, by June, it looked like the yolk was on them. Or they had egg on their faces. Their plans were scrambled. Puns aside, it wasn’t going over easy.
Then Ortiz became Big Papi, one of the defining players in Red Sox history, and all was forgotten. The omelette borne of those broken eggs was more delicious than any Red Sox Nation had eaten, metaphorically, in its history.
Before I get any further just know that I prefer “omelette” to “omelet” because it looks more Dignified, imho.
Ortiz’s Omelettes
- Two (a mere pauper) or three (a king) eggs
- Butter
- Salt, pepper and all that jazz
- The rest really depends on what you’re doing, see Bryan’s notes… now:
Bryan’s Notes
There are many ways to cook eggs, omelettes specifically, but at least in the case of these guys there are broadly two ways to do it. The first is the traditional, French way that I’ve only done a couple times but is well worth it if you’re going the delicate route and, frankly, makes a great dinner. These use a ton of butter and herbs but no cheese, though you’d never know it: You’re swore you added a block of gruyere or something.
The second way is the American diner/”homestyle” way, which is much easier and the type you load up with whatever you want/have laying around, your Westerns, Denvers, etc. Since I’ve made this type way more often, we’re going with this.
- Melt a bunch of butter in an omelette pan on medium-low heat until it’s a bit bubbly
- Stir in your eggs, beaten, and move them around quickly with your utensil
- When the eggs start to set, start peeling the sides/tilting the pay to make sure the egg is cooking around the lip of the pan
- When most of the egg has cooked enough to congeal, put in your toppings, fold back one side, and flip it back over said toppings
- If you wanna get real fun, put another dollop of butter right now under the fold you’ve made, which will give you a nice, slight char on that bad boy.
- Flip the entirety of the omelette over, either in the pan or on the plate, so that you’ve effectively folded it like a pamphlet (or “pamphlette,” I should say)
- Enjoy while commenting on how dumb my Bregman headline was and/or exulting in Ortiz’s grandeur