Time to Call In The Lucky Charms

The NFL has Hail Marys. We have superstitions.

I’m not the only one who has declared that the Red Sox postseason hopes are dead. That it’s the end of a really improbable dream. In fact, the end may have already passed us by, at least a week and a half ago. But the Sox, and we, are still hanging on. Barely.

Do you know what we need? You know what it’s time for? If we’re to salvage our once-promising season, we need a lucky charm.

There, I said it.

Grimace (or gay Grimace, as he has also become known) brought a change of fortune to the Mets. After Grimace the McDonald’s mascot threw out the first pitch at Citi Field on June 12, the Mets went on a seven-game tear.

Even now, in the first week of September, the Mets find themselves well within reach of the Wild Card. They are a half of a game behind, have won six in a row, and are 8-2 in their last 10 games. And of course they took at least two games this week from the Red Sox. (As I write this, they’re pretty decisively closing in on a third, dammit. [Editor’s note: they got it.] The Grimace effect is real.

Over in the National League Central, some wise soul recently sent a Taylor Swift candle to Cubs manager Craig Counsell. When he first lit it in his office before a game, they won. Then they won five more times in a row. Taylor Swift’s magic knows no bounds. The Cubs have since dropped two, but we’ll see where this goes. I’m happy for them and all—but how can we get ourselves some of that?

We need a talisman, right now. We don’t have time to wait around for a gift from nature, like the Rally Squirrel whose multiple on-field appearances helped the Cardinals win the World Series in 2011.

Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images

Let’s take action, like Craig Counsell, and get proactive here.

Do they need me to do something? Consider it done. I’m not going to wear the same pair of underwear à la Jim Leyland or Tigers hitting coach Lloyd McClendon in 2011… just… because. But anything else, basically.

“I will wear these underwear until we lose. I can tell you that right now. And they will not be washed. And I don’t give a (expletive) who knows it.” — Jim Leyland

Let it be remembered that the Tigers went on a 12-game win streak after that.

Does my dog need to get involved? [Editor’s note 2: Babe, if you’re reading this, you can skip this part.] He’s a fan. He knows that our quality of life would improve if there could be fewer expressions of disgust at the TV while we watch the game and eat our quesadillas. And he would just love a chance to show up Tucker, the Mariners team dog.

Count him in.

[Editor’s note 3: Mariners fans who are Pabu’s other mom can resume reading.]

Who’s got ideas? Come on, let’s put our heads together. What’s it gonna take?